Madonna’s foray into children’s books isn’t going well, despite a much-publicized promotional spin on Oprah today.

England’s Mail on Sunday didn’t like the former “material girl’s” material, even for kids. A critic wrote the singer possessed neither the talent for prose nor even the imagination to be a successful author.

The Mail urged the 20th Century sensation to “stick to the day job,” concluding that her first written work for children titled English Roses, is “pedestrian…and certainly no classic.”

The flowery title and Madonna’s London address doesn’t seem to matter much to her British critics.

The book’s illustrations, not done by the diva, got a better review.

Harry Potter creator JK Rowling, another Londoner, apparently has nothing to worry about.

The American press was brutal to the expatriate.

Madonna has a “persecution complex so narcissistic that she ought to have paid readers $100 an hour,” proclaimed the San Francisco Chronicle.

The central character of Madonna’s book is pretty “Binah,” a blond girl who suffers from “toooooooo much attention.”


Madonna seemingly used little Binah as her alter ego, a self-indulgence that apparently didn’t work as a literary device.

The singer’s book is supposedly suffused with spiritual principles, reportedly lifted from the idiosyncratic “Kaballah Center,” led by Philip Berg and often called a “cult”

It appears the aging sex symbol’s writing talents are as limited as her understanding of Jewish mysticism. Since beginning her association with Berg the trajectory of Madonna’s career has been less than transcendent.

The pop diva has become Berg’s high priestess of proselytizing amongst Hollywood celebrities. Is she now hoping to try out as his missionary for kids?

Four more books are planned in a touted series. Does Madonna think she’s Moses?

Well, maybe the pop priestess and the prophet have one thing in common and it’s not being Jewish. The fading icon turned proselytizer, like Moses, may not make into the Promised Land of successful publishing.

English Roses may be Swept Away, like her last movie was by the critics. Of course this Hollywood heroine may just label that further proof of enduring “persecution.”

Husband/director/collaborator and fellow Kaballah Center groupie Guy Ritchie seems to be experiencing his own form of persecution too.

Not only was his movie partnership with Madonna a flop, but the last script submitted by the English director infused with its own dose of “Kaballah,” was rejected.

The publisher of English Roses may be expecting some sort of miracle. The book’s first printing includes more than one million copies in 30 languages.

But expecting Madonna to part the Red Sea might have been a better bet.


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