Cult News

CultNews previously reported within “Scientology’s top tin tips for having kids” that Tom Cruise bought his girlfriend Katie Holmes an MP3 player packed with her favorite tunes to apparently pacify the actress during childbirth, now it seems he has decided to pick up the real thing too, an actual “adult pacifier.”

And all this appears to have been done to keep within the divine guidelines dictated by Scientology’s founder L. Ron Hubbard, for what Scientologists call “silent birth.”

“The alleged pacifier, which is reportedly made of plastic and molded to perfectly fit the 27-year-old Katie’s mouth, could be deployed very soon,” reports the New York Daily News.

Apparently the thinking is that Ms. Holmes will be so preoccupied with jamming and sucking on her big “binky” that she’ll forget about the baby.

Perhaps the pacifier is a fitting symbol of the child-like dependence the actress has developed, both on Cruise and his controversial church.

David Hinkley observed within the New York Daily News that Tom Cruise doesn’t discourage  the “speculation that whether Katie Holmes asked or not, he feels his Scientology-based thinking is plenty for both of them.”

But would it be a “mission impossible” for the girl to get a little epidural?

“The Church has no policy against the use of medicines to help a person with a physical situation. This, too, is up to the mother and her doctor,” says Scientology through a recent release from the official newsroom.

Though this just might be an example of Scientology carefully parsing its language for media consumption.

The release doesn’t specifically state that “painkillers” would be an option for Holmes’ doctor, only “the use of medicines,” whatever that means.

However, this may provide enough wiggle room for an epidural, if it’s needed.

No matter how soothing the music is coming out of her MP3 player, the baby coming out might just make Katie swallow her pacifier.